I Was Here

Writers are the quintessential over-thinkers, I should know this as I am one. It’s a peculiar talent of seeing a leaf and thinking about society, of it’s veins and edges. Besides a germaphobe, the only other person who will see a dirty plate as a threat of liver failure and death in 3 seconds is a writer. It’s also a writer who will think twice about roughly writing “I was here” on surfaces that probably shouldn’t be written on. I know I would- seeing as I did not write this phrase on my high school’s notice board. Neither have I scrapped these words on a sisal leaf somewhere nor stepped on cement as a gesture of quasi-immortality.

I did not write it because I want the world to write it for me. If a person has to scream to be noticed, they probably aren’t
worth noticing. They are doing things normally. A rebel who does the bare minimum will be noticed and be called out as a pain. Then again being a rebel is crying out, “I’m here, I got all this energy I ain’t channelling right because the world isn’t working my way.” Sometimes their way could be the right way and lead to revolutions and meaningful change in society. Wangari Maathai was a rebel, she went to University and fought when women didn’t. The entire world and a Nobel Price wrote ‘I was here’ for her.

If you declared your presence on writings on a wall, did the ones around you feel it? Were you essential in your group or were you just a statistic? Would anyone notice your absence without a register being called out? Not in the sense that people sigh in relief when you’re not there because of the headaches you cause. Headaches not worth having… Wangari’s were worth having. If I was present, did I take an initiative to bettering my stay and that of others or did I just fit in a system that was lacking, like did my predecessors? Did I stay at a job I hated for fear of the unknown? If I stayed, of what benefit was I to my organization? What did I do that no one else could not have? Am I worthy of immortality?

I tend to wonder, what will society remember me for, 5, 30, 100 years from now? A good architect leaves behind magnificent buildings as his mark.  In her reign Queen Victoria of England had the widest expansion of the English empire to date. Shakespeare is still alive today, centuries after he left. Will I be the person who let injustice thrive? We think we need to be in positions of power or have much surplus to make lasting contributions but we really don’t. A politician doesn’t know of the rapes we turn our heads away from. We know of those neighbours who can’t afford a meal or decent clothing. Sometimes solutions are as easy as notifying a children’s officer of forced marriages, a simple act that can change generations to come.

It’s nature to take the easy way out, have you seen how rivers flow? One of the easy fixes is being indifferent- coining phrases that reflect on our state of mind. Which in most cases is despair or a ‘this isn’t worth all the trouble’ mind-set. We’ve all heard of ‘Que sera sera’- whatever will be will be. This utterance is said as a fatality; hey I’ve done everything and this can’t possibly work. ‘Bora uhai’ is one such statement Kenyans have come to like, directly translated as ‘of importance is life’. All these statements are thrown around recklessly as they absolve us of our shortcomings. They allow us to settle, which is the easy way out.

A satisfied person won’t quip bora uhai as often as they breathe, just as a confident person won’t need to remind themselves of their confidence. It’s quite ironic, life should be lived. Living means fulfilment, happiness, growth, disappointments, memories and so much more. If you’re hurt don’t deny yourself the chance to feel the pain by brushing it off. Feel it, grow from it and draw strength from it. Be better because of it. If you failed; don’t settle for mediocre. Analyse and know what you should have avoided and what you should have improved on. Accept the bump and work towards being great next time. Don’t ‘bora uhai’ bad results that will cost you a fruitful life. Turn that phrase to Uhai Bora, better life. Live.

Next time you’re quick to write ‘I was here’, give it some thought. Let it be because you made improvements around you. You were someone’s strength when they needed lifting and spoke life where it was dying. I am huge on music and I will borrow these lines from Beyonce:
“I was here, I lived, I loved.”
“I was here, I did, I’ve done…”
I lived, by making so many memories, mistakes and bad decisions, got disappointed and still set out to be great. I’ll love fiercely, putting my heart out and being vulnerable. I made friends and I lost some. I gained family, got my heart shuttered but mastered the courage to move on and love again- I gave myself.

I did good by me and to society. I volunteered and touched a life, championing for change. Set out to do something and accomplished it. I know of the sweat and work needed to achieve anything. I aired my ideas for criticism; some were accepted and others were turned down. I did everything I wanted without fear of prejudice because I was where I was supposed to be. I want to leave a mark in all my ventures, life isn’t just about me. I’m a minor entity in a system that have me life. I want to be that spark that lights a fire, a fire that will keep burning long after my flame is extinguished.